A friend had written somewhere sometime that we (young university students) are entering into the life stage of forming romantic relationships and are, whether we're aware of it or not, pondering marriage and characteristics in potential life partners.
I do think that at some point in time and to some level everyone has these thoughts cross their minds. The issue this friend raised was more of a dilemma than an observation.
You see, it becomes increasingly difficult to have healthy friendships with people of the opposite sex. "If you're a guy hanging out with a female more than twice, it's automatically assumed something's up, which I do not believe", says my male friend sitting next to me. Hear, hear!
Maybe girls are simply living out Proverbs 4:23, and I respect that. At the same time I can't help but think that this might also be a cop-out; I'd go so far as to say subtle vanity.
So where does this put us? My motto lately has jokingly been "It's only awkward if you make it awkward", and what I mean is that it's fine if two people of different sex enjoy hanging out - it's the friends around them that make it awkward. So, friends, don't make it awkward for your friends.
to be continued...
What are you referring to as "subtle vanity"? Guarding one's heart or the fact that people think something's up when a guy hangs out with a girl?
ReplyDeleteAnonymous,
ReplyDeleteGuarding one's heart. I suggest this because I wonder if there are times when a woman thinks that a guy wants to get to know her for the sole purpose of dating her, when in reality he just wants a friendship because he enjoys her company.
Do you think perhaps people's minds are at a point where, because of thoughts of marriage and dating partners, women in particular are over-analyzing what it means when male friends want to simply hang out? Or even vice-versa?
I would disagree that guarding your heart is vain. A person guards their heart to prevent thiking that there is anything more than there could be.
ReplyDeleteFor example, a guy has been hanging out with a girl quite a bit one-on-one. That girl can either think that he's trying to pursue her (and wanting to be more than friends) or she can choose to guard her heart and not read-in to the one-on-one hangouts. Thereby, not entertaining thoughts that he is interested in being more than friends.
Therefore, guarding ones heart is the contrary of vanity. It's almost refuting any ideas that the other person is interested in you as more than friends.
In an answer to your question, I think that because people's minds are tuned in to these thoughts of marriage and dating, that men in particular should be weary about hanging out with women one-on-one in hopes of not leading them on. However, I am not leaving women off the hook here. I think that women should especially be careful about not getting too ahead of themselves and start thinking that just because a guy hangs out with them it means that he is interested - because that is not always the case. And just like you said, sometimes guys just want to hang out as friends.
I think both men and woman need to be more careful...and guard their hearts.
I really like your answer.
ReplyDeleteThe stance I took for a while has been if a girl thinks that a guy has a romantic interest in her, then just straight up ask him. He should then man up and give a straight forward answer.
I am already re-evaluating what I think on that, because it seems to lessen the responsibility a guy has to be mindful of even the possibility of leading a woman on in her mind.
On a side, this issue can almost turn into a whole other discussion of the typical "if a guy likes you, why doesn't he just tell you" question that I've encountered on several blogs, a question that I was going to (still might) write about at a later date.
So where does this leave us? Hopefully thinking through some of this stuff. You did give me an insight I didn't consider before, and I thank you Anonymous.